OMGoodness, Commitment is not my strong point…

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Yeah, so as you can see I have commitment issues. I’ve been super excited because of the amount of feedback and comments I received about my friend Aliyah on the previous post and neglected you all maybe a tad bit interested in my life more than I am interested in it myself… I went through a week of discussing how and what I should bring forth to you all, but I always said “no…”! As a potential doctoral candidate, if I cannot keep commitments to writing a blog post, will I be as successful as I envision with my doctoral dissertations? Just thinking forward, it made me a little skeptical about my own sense of determination. I am sure this is strictly a small thought of low-confidence, but I am a little worried about my future even more than I was two posts ago. Where did I get such a lack of commitment from? I don’t know, but maybe a few stories can help us both out…

When I was in high school, I was elected to serve as some high position in Student Government (forgot), and I was always on time, always prepared, and always ready to do whatever at the drop of a hat… isn’t this a good thing? Well, I thought it was until I was prepared to assist with one of the events, but they wanted someone else… Someone else who was not as active as me, someone else who did not have the commitment I gave to the organization, and simply someone who looked better than me. From then, I made it a revengeful thought to think about what I should invest my time in and these revengeful thoughts have me on the edge of Narnia. But this is not it… I thought it was, but no… let’s try story number two.

When I was in college, I pushed myself to take 18 to 21 credit hours because I liked to maintain a busy schedule. Being idle is being unhelpful and I always love to help others (it’s the social worker/psychologist in me). At the same time, I was working three jobs and putting myself through school or putting my family through home while I suffer missing them so “through school”. Closer to my last year (formally known as my junior year, I graduated a year early), I only took 12 courses and scheduled them through the day and evening so I can have time during the day to watch Sister Sister and Reba. Let’s just say, these shows consumed me so much I neglected waking up for my 5:30 class and neglected going home to work. I became… lazy? I enjoyed sitting on my plumped bottom and not doing anything. I mean, I thought hey… I was in school, I will graduate and have a job where I can do absolutely NOTHING but still make money… boy how I was mistaken. So, yeah I will blame Reba and the Mowry twins for my lack of commitment … but it still doesn’t feel right… let’s try my last story (this has to be it)

As a young professional working at the college mentioned above in the previous story, I still haven’t learned what I want to do with my life or how to do it… all I know is that I have to please you all… I have to make YOU find purpose in my life and if I am not successful in my attempts, I do not try hard enough when I know it’s an ultimate failure to begin with… (I think we are heating it up). For example, while browsing LinkedIn one day, I realized I use to inbox people because of my curiosity on their success… but not because I was a moth, but because I was a leech. I like to suck the success out of others because that’s what I do best… I am a follower, but I do not know when I should lead? The most important persons are leaders and followers on demand, but I fake it until I make it. My confidence coach told me the reason why I never follow through with assignments is because I do not put myself first and I worry about pleasing others before pleasing myself. I never really looked at it that way… being a people pleaser is a common trait of first-generation students (and minority students) because we feel we have to prove something or we fall for anything. If we aligned ourselves with important people our label will be erased and we would be subjected to immediate glorification.

So, how does this revelation assist me going forward? At least I understand why I am never committed to anything. When someone else is successful, but they change course… I change course no matter how close I was to mastering the skill. I sometimes like to call myself a Jill of all Trades, but am I really a master of anything when I follow the lead of others who have paved a way in their careers… and I still haven’t. Well, there you have it. Story found, story known, story revealed… Thanks for listening!

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15 thoughts on “OMGoodness, Commitment is not my strong point…

  1. Being a pleaser is a problem for a lot of people…women in particular. And I still have issue with always putting yourself first because at times, the situation may call for putting somebody before you and rightly so. I think the key is in recognizing the difference between when you should come first, and when that might not be appropriate! Just my 2 cents!

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  2. I’m with you, it’s so hard to stick with things, especially when I don’t have a deadline (or if I know I can meet the deadline while taking too much time off to watch TV.) I think that’s the hardest thing about blogging – setting your own goals and being accountable to yourself. But you’re worth it and you can do it!

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  3. Putting ourselves first is an issue for many of us, me included. I can see why that would affect your working on commitment. How can we commit to ourselves when we spend all our time providing for others? It is a question that many could ask, again, including myself. In your revelation, I do hope you are able to find your way and the happy medium you desire.

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  4. That is a problem for many people. I think it is impossible to please other people if we can’t please ourselves first. We have to try it first to understand what this is and later we will be able to share it with everyone else.

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  5. I’ve realized I’m more motivated for deadlines and such when other people are involved, which has made freelancing an eye-opening experience. Even though a part of me wants to go back to get my PhD I just start to think about how few tenure positions there are and how much it would cost to finish my degree. At the end of the day, I guess I would rather focus on the field of writing and literature and be happy to use my academic side in a related capacity.

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  6. Hello; I don’t think you have a lack of commitment but instead a lack of passion. Until you find that one occupation goal purpose whatever that drives your every waking hour or at least most of them then attention span and concentration will always be a problem for you. I know that with my business it is the first thing i think of when i wake up in the morning and check my email and voice mail. Its also the last thing i usually think about before falling asleep. I’m always asking myself if i could do more or do something better. i take time out to hang out with the family watch favorite tv shows listen to books or old time radio shows and pet my doggie penny. we all struggle with pleasing our families or our spouses over pleasing ourselves. you deserve to be successful and happy so find that one thing that stirs you up on the inside and get going. tai it from the blind blogger max doing even taking small steps every day will get you there eventually. Take care, max

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    • Thanks Max! I appreciate the comment. I am taking the time to do things (per my absence) and blogging wasn’t really on the top of the list. But I have missed it. I have been watching a lot of TV shows (Scandal freak!) Again, thank you so much!

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  7. Laughed out loud at Reba being the cause for poor commitment, no slight to Reba, but you have to sit in awe of what we can invent to avoid doing something important. I’ve recently discovered that I can be a master of avoidance too and that yes, like so many women, we don’t always get that we have to matter if we’re going to achieve our goals.

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